Nobody messes with Rosalie Hale, nobody
by CaramelApple74
Summary: When the Cullens April Fool's Day prank on Rosalie goes awry, Rosalie gets revenge. ONE-SHOT. Originally part of a multiple chapter drabble fic, but I decided to make it into a one-shot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or its characters, I just made the plot for this one-shot.**

The Cullen members, save for Rosalie, were all gathered together in the kitchen that morning to discuss their plan for the day. Alice had sent Rosalie to a mall until late in the afternoon, convincing her that she was getting her out of the way of all the pranking going on that April Fools Day. Rosalie bought Alice's lie, satisfied in the thought that nobody would even dare to prank her; if they wanted to live to see the next day that is. However, the Cullens had every intention to prank Rosalie, and it would take the whole family's cooperation to make sure the plan went accordingly.

"Alright everyone," Alice began, clasping her hands together, "we all know the plan right? Everyone knows their story on where they were in this?"

There was a chorus of 'Yes's' and everybody was smiling widely, barely being able to contain their laughter. Rosalie would never forgive them for this, but the laughs they would get off the prank would make the hell she would put them all through worth it.

"Okay, Alice continued, breaking into a small fit of giggles, "let operation 'Prank Rosalie Into Carrying A Fake Bomb To The Subway' commence!"

* * *

Rosalie loved shopping for new clothes. She loved shopping for anything that had to do with beauty and appearances in general, and not having Alice here to run around like a pixie on crack while shoving clothes in her face even though she already had things to try on was an added bonus. Rosalie knew she looked amazing in anything she wore, and took pride in the fact that she was as shallow as a puddle. She thought it showed character.

Right now Rosalie was finishing trying on a daring red dress, and was about to gather her things and go to the checkout when her cell phone rang in her purse. Rosalie muttered a curse under her breath, not wanting to be bothered by anyone right now; she was in her element, and nobody bothered with her when she was focused on something.

"Hello?" Rosalie asked, not hiding any of the annoyance in her voice.

"Hi!" the voice on the line squealed.

"Damnit, Alice. Why are you calling?"

"I need a favor."

"No," Rosalie said flatly.

"Aww, please? I would do it myself, but I just had a bad vision about the prank Emmett's pulling, and I need to make sure he doesn't do it. Could you help me out just this one time?"

Rosalie weighted her options for a few moments; she could hang up on Alice and turn her phone off, or do this favor-whatever it was- for her. Rosalie was never a fan of doing the right thing, but Alice did get her out of the way of the pranks going on at the house that day, so maybe she owed her this one little thing. Maybe.

"Why can't anyone else do this favor for you?" Rosalie questioned, changing back into her own clothes and then walking to the register.

"Because Jacob and Nes are having lunch at the mall you're at and I can't get a hold of them, Esme has her book club right now, Carlisle had an emergency call at the hospital, Bella took Edward hunting with her, and Emmett's about to prank Jasper and the whole things about to go terribly wrong!" Alice said in a rush, sounding like she really was worried about whatever it was Emmett was doing.

Rosalie sighed, she would get back at her husband for this later. "Fine, fine, whatever. What do I have to do," she relented.

"Yay!" Alice gushed. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Hurry up and say it already or I might change my mind."

"Geez, no need to be so rude."

"Alice-" Rosalie started, but was cut off mid-sentence.

"Sorry, I'll stop. Just go to the house and grab the box on the kitchen counter. Take it to the subway station and wait in the middle of the building. I have a friend who needs to pick it up from me."

"This isn't another one of your drug deals, is it? Because I'm not handing someone a box of narcotics."

"No! That was only a one time thing, this is just a normal box."

"Okay, I'll go now. But you owe me for this, tweaker."

"I know, I know, thanks but I gotta go now! Bye!"

The line went dead, and Rosalie sighed in exasperation once again. What did she just agree to do?

* * *

After getting the package from the house and driving to the subway station, Rosalie waited in the middle of the building, sneering at the humans passing by her in disgust. The package she was holding was small and square, with white thread wrapped around it and tied into a bow at the top. Rosalie had no idea who she was supposed to be waiting for, and was beginning to regret ever doing this favor for Alice. It was too late now though.

Suddenly, to the utter shock and horror of Rosalie, the box started ticking. It sounded suspiciously like...

"Oh hell no," Rosalie hissed.

Alice, that bitch, had given her a bomb. Who the fuck was on Alice's hit list? Who could get far enough on Alice's bad side that she would give them a bomb to blow up on them anyways? And why hadn't Rosalie heard about this person? Alice was quite the drama queen after all, and surely would have mentioned them.

As much as Rosalie hated humans though, she couldn't let Alice kill anyone. Well, she couldn't let her kill anyone and have Rosalie carry out the plan anyways. That was something a person did themselves.

Rosalie needed to get the package out of the subway station; who knew how long it was until it exploded. She started rushing through the crowds of people, looking frantically for the exit. The ticking was getting louder, and sounding off more rapidly. Was Alice planning to blow up the whole subway station? The girl had some major issues that needed to be addressed.

Right when Rosalie was nearing the exit, she spotted a man who looked suspiciously like Emmett, dressed in a trench coat and hat. On closer inspection, it was Emmett! What was he doing here? Rosalie didn't have time to ask though, because a man next to her shouted something that made her non-existent blood run cold.

"SHE HAS A BOMB! EVERYONE OUT OF THE WAY! SHE HAS A BOMB!"

_Fuck_

Rosalie looked to Emmett, but he looked just as shocked as her. What in the hell was going on?

Rosalie was tackled by several security guards, but she let them push her to the ground; after all, a normal human woman wouldn't be able to stand upright when being tackled by huge security guards.

Suddenly, the bomb went off, except it wasn't really a bomb, it was a confetti explosion. The security guards immediately jumped off Rosalie and blushed furiously, knowing that they wrongfully attacked her.

One of the security guards took a pair of handcuffs from his belt though and help them up. "Would you mind going to the interrogation room for some questioning? It's only protocol, ma'am."

Rosalie snatched the cuffs from the man and hit him upside the head with them.

"Hey, that's assault on an officer, now we really have to arrest you," the other security guard spoke up.

Rosalie hit him with the handcuffs too, then threw them to the other side of the building. "Like hell I'm going to jail. You tackled an innocent person, you should be the ones under arrest."

Nobody messed with Rosalie Hale. Nobody.

Rosalie turned on her heel, ignoring the protests and cries of pain from the security guards, and walked out the station, grabbing Emmett's arm along the way and dragging him out. "You're explaining all of this when we get to the house."

"Yes ma'am," Emmett replied readily.

Rosalie gave him a stern look.

"Yes, Rose," he corrected.

"Better," she said, unlocking her car door. "You can run home, I'll see you there."

Emmett gave her puppy dog eyes and stuck out his bottom lip, but Rosalie just pulled out of her parking spot and sped out of the lot.

Emmett slumped his shoulders in defeat; he deserved her giving him the cold shoulder.

* * *

"Okay everyone, who would like to explain what the hell that stunt you all pulled was about?" Rosalie asked in an overly sweet tone.

Everyone looked around guiltily, not making eye contact with Rosalie. Then Alice spoke up in a timid voice.

"Well, the plan was to send you to the subway station with the package, and before it started ticking Emmett was supposed to walk up to you and take the box. Then as he was leaving, it was supposed to explode, and you were supposed to freak out thinking you just gave a man a bomb and that he died, then realize it was confetti. But Emmett was taking too long to get there in his disguise, and it started ticking while you had it, and a guy thought you had a real bomb. I'm sorry, Rosalie, I didn't see this happening in a vision."

Alice looked so sad and disappointed at herself along with everyone else.

Rosalie was almost sorry for what she had done on the car ride home in retaliation to her family. Almost, not quite though. "I'm really disappointed in all of you, but I'm willing to let this go. It was a small mistake, and it was all in good fun, right?" Rosalie asked, trying to look forgiving.

Nine pairs of eyes snapped to Rosalie's at her words.

"What?" Alice asked. "But we-"

"I told you it's fine, Alice. People make mistakes. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to continue my shopping spree. I didn't get everything I wanted to earlier."

Alice nodded her head dumbly, as did all of the other Cullens.

Rosalie strolled out the door, smirking. Of course she didn't let her family get off easily after that. They would think they did for the next few minutes though.

Until a group of hippies knocked on the front door saying they got a call from someone telling them they could stay at the house for the night and smoke pot. Rosalie already had a reservation at the nicest hotel in the area for the night, too. Nobody messed with Rosalie Hale and got away with it.

* * *

**Hope you liked it!**

**I'm always looking for constructive criticism, so let me know if there's anything I can do to improve this fic!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**~CaramelApple74~**


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